


A Lesson In Irony

by seer_of_void (orphan_account)



Category: Homestuck
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2011-11-17
Updated: 2011-11-17
Packaged: 2017-10-26 04:33:07
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 5,862
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/278731
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/seer_of_void
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Irony (n): incongruity between what is expected to be and what actually is.</p><p>When they finally meet face-to-face, John defies everyone's expectations. Especially Dave's. He isn't sure what to think anymore.</p>
            </blockquote>





	A Lesson In Irony

  
_**Irony** (n): incongruity between what is expected to be and what actually is._   


Behind his glasses, Dave is flushed a bright red. He just wants to cover his face and crawl under the seat in the car, or better yet, for Bro to turn the car the fuck around and head back to the airport. He doesn't want to see his friends anymore. He doesn't want to see _anyone_ anymore. He can't imagine why he'd ever thought this was a good idea. The car pulls to a stop and Dave hears Bro put on the parking brake. He buries his face in his hands, feeling his heartbeat in his throat. God, no, please no, he can't--

Bro's hand rests firmly on his shoulders.

"Up and at 'em, kid."

"Don' wanna," Dave mumbles, knowing he's acting immature and irrational and not at all like the coolest 15-year-old on the internet. After all, it wasn't _too_ different to meet your friends in person rather than online, right? That's what he'd like to think..

"Kid, I did not just spend five hundred bucks on plane tickets to fly us up to buttfuck nowhere, Seattle, just for you to chicken out at the last second. C'mon, you wouldn't shut up about this for months." He pauses, and Dave sneaks a sideways glance to see the reason why. He sees Egbert's house for the first time. It's white, and very stereotypically suburban. Then he sees the two people standing in the doorway and immediately hides his face again.

That's John's dad, there. And there, standing next to him, is very definitely John.

"Yo, Egbert and Egbert junior," he hears Bro say, and Mr. Egbert says something in reply but Dave doesn't hear it because he might have covered his ears too.

He feels another tap on his shoulder, and he's fairly sure it's not bro this time. Steeling himself, he opens his eyes to see his blue-eyed disaster of a best friend. John Egbert, in the flesh.

"Hey, Dave," he says, flashing a smile that took two years' worth of braces to fix. "It's good to see you!"

"Yo, hey, just assuming crash positions over here for our descent into Egbertville, I assure you ma'am that the seat backs and tray tables are all in their upright and locked positions, and any semblance to crippling anxiety is merely an ironic way to convey my excitement at seeing you," is what Dave should have said.

Instead, he says, "Um, uh."

"Hey, man, you okay? You in there?" John asks, nudging his shoulder gently.

"Y-yeah," he stutters, blushing furiously.

"Cool! C'mon in then. Rose and Jade are already here, you know!"

"Striders always arrive fashionably late, we prefer to have control over the proceedings of any party in order to sure that no down-getting occurs prior to our arrival," is what Dave didn't say.

"Right, um, sorry," Dave says. He makes his way to the trunk of the car and extracts his Hello Kitty rolling backpack (ironic, yeah, but it was also on sale at the time). He swallows nervously, feeling like he's about to face the final boss of an extremely difficult video game, assuming that video game is real life and the final boss is his best friend's birthday party. Wow that metaphor fell apart pretty quickly. He passes the Green Slime Ghost bouncy ride-- wow, that's a real thing that actually exists-- and enters the dungeon.

He doesn't know what he expected, but it wasn't this.

Colorful birthday streamers decorate the entrance. On the wall immediately opposite are lovingly framed pictures of the Egbert family in various stages of development. That's not what catches Dave's attention, though; His eyes are instead drawn to the jersey that's pinned to the wall, and immediately beneath it, an award plaque of some sort.

"F-football?"

John follows his gaze. "Oh! Yeah, I guess I never really told you. I'm on the school football team."

"And not just that," says his Dad, entering behind Dave. "Did John tell you he's the star center? And only a sophomore! I'm so proud of you, son."

" _Daaaad,_ you're embarrassing me!" he says, grinning guiltily.

Embarrassing _him_?

"A-anyway," John says, "Let me show you the rest of the place, including where you'll be sleeping and all that!" He beckons you up the stairs, throws open the door to his room, and yells, "Hey guys! Dave's here!"

"Dave? Ohmygod!" squeals a voice from within, and suddenly Dave's arms are full of girl. He drops his ironic rolling backpack and stumbles back a few steps, before awkwardly wrapping his arms around her shoulders as she squeezes his torso like a vise. He focuses on keeping his face as completely stoic as humanly possible.

The girl pulls back, and he realizes it's Jade (of course, process of elimination could have proven the same thing, as Rose would _never_ be the perpetrator of such violent hugnasty). His shoulders relax a little but she remains slightly too close for comfort. She grew up on an island, Dave thinks. How often does she see people?

"Harley," he says.

"Well don't just _stand_ there! C'mon in!" She grabs his elbow and steers him inside what must be John's room, leaving the rolling bag sadly neglected on the landing.

Dave braces himself for twenty pairs of Nic Cage eyes staring at him from every wall, for the entire bottom echelon of hollywood cinematography to assault his visual orbs. It doesn't happen.

Instead, John's room is-- there's nothing else to describe it-- _cool_. It looks slightly out-of-place in such an unassuming suburban house; it more resembles a classy bachelor pad. The walls are a rich maroon, with only a couple of mirrors and mysterious switches as decoration. He notices speakers embedded in each wall, and a high-tech soundsystem in the corner that he'd kill to have a go at.

The only part that he remotely expected was the computer, which, although high-end, had some traces of the Egbert he knew lingering around it-- a framed (and _signed?_ ) photograph of Nic Cage, and a few scraps of paper taped to the wall.

"Wow," is all Dave can say.

"Ehehe, you like it?" John says from over his shoulder. "Yeah, I-- we remodeled it two years ago with some of the money from the, uh, oh man I shoulda told you this earlier..."

"What?"

"I'm kiiiinda... the heir to the Betty Crocker foundation," he mutters. Dave gapes at him incredulously, so he continues, "I mean, my Dad is technically, but there's a specific fund set up for me specifically, and when I come of age it's all gonna be mine."

"Like I said before, John, that is soooo cool!" says Jade from her position on the couch. He glances over in her direction and notices Rose for the first time.

"Hello, Dave," she says. "Take a seat?"

Not knowing what else to do, he sits. John dashes outside to grab Dave's stuff, and Rose leans in, still smiling wryly, to place a hand on his knee.

"You're nervous," she says.

"Y-yeah, no fucking shit," he admits, casting a sideways glance at Jade, who smiles and gives him a thumbs-up, whatever that meant.

"It's okay, Dave. To be perfectly honest, I was rather shocked too. Who would have thought that, under the veneer of our movie-loving, prank-pulling cohort there was a star football captain and heir to a small fortune?"

"I know!" exclaims Jade. "I always thought he hated Betty Crocker!"

"Hey guys! What are you all talking about?" John asks, reentering and sitting down next to Dave. Like Jade, he sits a little closer than necessary. Maybe Dave is just imagining things.

"You," says Rose coolly. "We're probing the inner depths of your psyche. It seems we were all caught off-guard by your, uh, general lack of, um..."

"--Anything!" interjects Jade. "You're totally different from how I expected! I mean, you're still you and everything, definitely, but like, you don't have any posters or anything!"

"Haha, well, yeah, I guess that's another thing I should have told you," John says with a shrug. "I _used_ to have posters, like, all over this room! It used to be a lot smaller, too. But a couple of years ago, there was this... thing that happened, and we had to replace them all, and that was the point when we decided to just remodel the whole room instead. I definitely still like movies though! Hey, what'dyou guys think about watching something after dinner? I've got 3-d glasses if you guys want to see _Drive Angry 3D_ , it's totally cool! There's this one scene with--"

"At least, you, you've got _one_ photo of Nic Cage," Dave manages, jerking his thumb towards the picture by the computer.

"Oh!" John says, face lighting up. "Yep, that's an autograph! There's a funny story behind that actually..."

\---

Two hours and two cakes later, the respective parental units (and Jade's dog, for some weird reason) migrate into the back room, and John leads the other three back upstairs. They cluster around the computer and take turns showing each other Youtube videos.

Dave has unwound substantially in the hours following the initial shock. Although he will never be able to talk as fast as he types, nor to tap into the verbal flow and lay down some sicknasty rhymes on the spot, it's easy for him to pretend he's just chatting online, like old times. He's able to avoid eye contact thanks to the shades. And even though John is far cooler than he expected, making him seem so much more like a loser in comparison, he finds he doesn't mind as much.

After the fourth adorable cat video, Jade decides it's time for a change of pace.

"Let's play truth or dare!" She exclaims. She's sitting backwards in the rolling leather chair with her arms draped over the top. "I read on the internet that it's not a real slumber party unless we do."

"Yeah, sure, and let's paint each other's nails and straighten our hair while we're at it," says Dave, rolling his eyes.

"It's not much girlier than cat videos!" Jade protests.

"Come, now, Dave," says Rose. "You're not afraid of a little vulnerability, are you?"

"Yeah, Dave, what are you, chicken?" John asks, spinning around in his chair. "Buck-buck-kaw!"

"Fine, _fine_! Jesus dick you guys are unstoppable," Dave says, throwing his hands up in defeat.

"First question! Dave, truth or dare," Jade says.

"Oh, fuck this."

" _Dave_ ," warns Rose.

"Fine, fine. Goddamn. Dare, because it's slightly manlier than gossiping about our crushes."

"Oh, uh, hmm," Jade pauses for a moment, then seems to get an idea. "John, do you have a closet?"

"Yeah, sure, one sec," John says, getting up and pushing at a section of the wall, which slides back and to the side to reveal a walk-in closet. Damn that kid and his awesome decked-out room. "All yours."

Jade dives in with glee, and after about a minute of rustling about, comes out with something bundled in her arms. She holds it out proudly in front of her for a moment, and proceeds to unroll the longest pair of pants that Dave has ever seen. "Put these on!"

"Damn, Egbert, where do you even get pants that are this big?" Dave says, grudgingly accepting the pants. As dares go, it could have been a lot worse.

"I have honestly no idea," he says, suppressing giggles as Dave pulls on the pants. Hiked up all the way, they nearly reach his armpits. "I've never seen them before in my life."

"Great, now can I take these off?"

"Nope!" says Jade gleefully. "You've got to keep them on _all night_."

"Fuck you."

"Well, it's your turn now," she says, "So pick someone to dare! Or truth. Whatever."

"Fine. Egbert," he says, leaning back to look upside-down at their host. "Truth or dare."

"Umm... truth, I guess."

"Okay, so, you've just won a big game in football, like the fucking world cup or whatever, and your coach tells you to go clean up and wash off the blood of your crushed opponents. So you're there in the locker room, with the showers running and all that shit, and you're fucking surrounded by shirtless men and dancing jock cock everywhere. So tell me, Egbert, somewhere deep down in that heterosexual core of yours, do you enjoy it?"

" _Dave!_ " say all three of the others simultaneously.

Dave shrugs. "Hey, you were the one who wanted to play this game. I'm just taking it to its logical conclusion."

"Interesting how your train of thought immediately leads to the homoerotic," muses Rose.

"Hey, back off Lalonde, Egbert still hasn't answered my question."

"Umm," says John, "Well, if we won a big game, we'd be congratulating each other and stuff. And I'd be thinking about other stuff anyway. But, I mean, these guys are my teammates. Even if I _was_ gay, I don't think I could think of them like that at all! We're like brothers, kind of."

"Wow, brothers, that's not creepy at all," Dave says.

"It's not! Really, they're all very cool guys, I'd like to introduce you some time!"

"I think I'd rather introduce my face to a meat grinder. It'd be about the same." John flings a pillow at Dave's face.

"Okay, umm, my turn to ask somebody, right? Okay, Rose! Truth or dare?" John asks. And so it goes.

\---

Two hours later, Dave is finally able to take off the fucking pants as they all get changed for bed. At that point, he's not alone in wearing something ridiculous; John has his hair done up in pigtails and barrettes, and Rose (in a particularly bold dare from Jade) is wearing her bra on the outside of her shirt. They now know significantly more about each other than they might have ever wanted to, including that Jade believes she is a reincarnated wolf god, Rose used to unironically enjoy Twilight (team Edward), and that John has smoked weed on more than one occasion. Dave, for his part, was forced to make a few more concessions than he'd have liked: that he's actually terrified of Bro's puppets, and that no, he's never been kissed.

Dave takes the slide-out mattress next to John's bed. John had moved the couches to partition off the girls' sleeping area in order to be "gentlemanly." Rose and Jade had insisted on sharing a single air mattress, which neither of the boys wanted to question.

He lies on his back, staring up at the ceiling and trying to go to sleep. The mattress isn't uncomfortable, and John's gentle snoring is relaxing to listen to, but his mind is too preoccupied to rest. The sum of everything that happened that day, from his initial embarrassment to birthdays to those fucking pants to football to Rose's psychoanalysis to the real-life John's drastic difference from internet-John, is a lot to absorb. Also he might have eaten too much cake.

At some point he does doze off, fitfully, semi-lucid thoughts merging into strange, sugar-fueled dreams. He dreams he's on the plane again, and the pilot announces they will be taking a shortcut to John's house, and suddenly the plane is plummeting straight down and he can see the Egbert household below him and he's trying to tell the pilot to stop, to turn around and head back before he hurts someone or worse, _embarrasses_ himself, but the pilot just laughs at him and tells him in Rose's voice that it's okay, Dave, he just needs to relax, but Dave is shaking his head and screaming _no, I want to go home, I don't want to do this_. The pilot warns about a sudden increase in cabin pressure just as Dave feels a heavy weight pressing down on him, and he's struggling to breathe and looking for the oxygen mask. Someone whispers his name, which he shouldn't hear in the excitement but he does. Then he hears his name again, and his eyes snap open to see that someone is sitting on his chest.

He blinks once, twice, and through the darkness he sees a flash of glasses and dark hair. Why the hell is Jade sitting on him? His eyes adjust some more, and he realizes: no, it's _John_.

"What the fuck are you doing here," Dave says, squinting up at him, but through the sluggishness of sleep it comes out as "Wuh th'fuk yoodoineer?"

"You were talking," John says. "In your sleep, I mean. And it didn't sound too good, I mean it sounded kinda like a nightmare, so I wanted to make sure you were okay."

"Shit," Dave says, rubbing his eyes and hoping he hasn't said anything embarrassing. In that moment he realizes he's forgotten his shades, and he casts a glance to either side. He almost never leaves them more than an arms' distance away, but this time his search turns up fruitless.

"Oh. Looking for these?" John asks, and Dave looks up at him again and sees that he's dangling the familiar black frames from one hand. He reaches up to grab them but Egbert pulls them further out of reach, the asshole.

"Give'm back," Dave says groggily.

"Not just yet, okay? That was the other reason I woke you up, actually. I kinda wanted to ask you about these?" He turns the shades over in his hands and dodges Dave's attempts to grab them back. "I mean, is there something special about your eyes or something? I mean, I can barely see without my perscription, but I got these for you and I know they _aren't_ perscription so... why?"

"S'none of your business. I could be fuckin' Cyclops and gonna fry your face off. Give those back."

"Oh, come on, just tell me! It can't be that bad. Rose always says it's better to admit your feelings than keep them bottled up! Er, feelings, insecurities, whatever. Heh." You still can't quite tell in the light, but you think he's blushing as if he said something he didn't mean to.

"Whatever, Egbert, quit fuckin' around and go back to bed."

"I can't sleep, I'm all jittery."

"Well then, un-jitter yourself," Dave says, giving up on the glasses and instead trying to pull the blankets over his head and roll over before remembering the blankets and his lower torso are both trapped underneath the significant body mass of John Egbert. He sighs.

"It's just, when you were talking in your sleep a moment ago, I'm pretty sure you said my name," John says suddenly.

"Are you sure I wasn't saying 'Juancho?' He's my illegal mexican immigrant lover," he says, the jokes oddly easy when he's only half-awake.

"Well, no, for starters, you said 'Egbert.' And then you said, it kinda sounded like, 'I want to go back.'"

"Leave the dream analytics to Lalonde, all right?"

"Hey, I'm just being a concerned friend, that's all! You seemed upset. You don't... I mean, you _do_ like it here, don't you? Am I doing okay with all this? You don't hate me or anything, right?"

Dave is momentarily stunned. "'Course I like being here, Egbert. You're a damn excellent host with your ridiculously cool house and enormous amounts of money. And with a face like that, how could anyone hate you?"

"I don't want to hurt anyone's feelings. I don't want to make you jealous or anything, really," he says, chewing on his lower lip.

"Me jealous? Hell naw."

"Well, just, the way you said 'enormous amounts of money' and 'cool house' and all that... and how you've been talking pretty much nonstop about my football team and everything... I don't know. It's just the kinda vibe I got?"

"Shit," Dave says, running a quick feelings-search: is John right? Is he actually _jealous_ of John for showing him up in yet another way in this stupid rivalry that only existed within Dave's mind? Yes, he realizes, there's a small part of him that might be.

While Dave silently introspects, John blurts out, "And did you mean it about never being kissed?" Which nicely derails his train of thought.

"Why-- wha-- why the fuck would I lie about that?"

"I dunno, it's just, it surprised me. That's all." John shifts some of his weight off Dave's chest and he's able to breathe a little easier. "Like, you're always going on about your 'swag,' and how 'covered in bitches' you are, and you've honestly given me some good advice on, like, romantic stuff before, so I guess it's a surprise. That's all."

"Woah. You mean that shit actually works?"

"Well, not all of it, obviously, I don't go around acting all aloof and unfeeling in order to attract attention or anything. But, like, when you said that I need to back off sometimes and let her be with her friends, and when you said to ask before sticking my tongue down her throat in public, I guess I never thought about that before. I've lost girlfriends over that. Well, girlfriends and um," he starts to say, but then stops himself.

"Girlfriends and what?" Dave asks. He has a weird feeling that he knows what John was starting to say, even though that doesn't make any sense at all.

"Girlfriends and nothing," John says, waving him off. "It doesn't matter, anyway."

"Damn, John, now you've got me curious. You can't just dangle somethin' interesting in front of me and whisk it away like that," he says, then glances at his shades, which John is still holding behind his back. "Or, well, I guess you can, but come _on_ dude. Finish your damn sentence."

He bites his lower lip. "Okay, but promise me something first. Don't, like, judge me or freak out or anything, okay?"

"How the hell could I? Geez, dude, I've known you for years, I'm cool with whatever." Kind of hypocritical, Dave thinks, considering his reactions to the rest of John's real life, but he keeps his mouth shut.

"What I was going to say before I stopped, was," he inhales deeply, glances around them, then says in a whisper, "girlfriends and _boyfriends_."

Dave's theory was _right_. "Wait, dude, you're gay?"

"No! Geez! Didn't I just say 'girlfriends,' too?"

"Fine, bi, whatever."

"Yeeeaaahhh, something more like that but not really that either. I'm, uh, it's called pansexual. I just like everyone! I don't really care about gender or anything."

"Wow." Dave blinks. "So when I asked you about the locker rooms--"

"--I was telling the truth!" John protests. "I really don't see my teammates like that. I like other kinds of guys." Something in the way he says it provokes a weird feeling in the pit of Dave's stomach, or maybe that was just from John sitting on him. They're silent for an extended moment. Dave wonders if the color of his eyes is visible in the darkness.

"So did you just come out to me?" Dave asks, finally.

"Um, well, yeah, kinda. You're not mad or, or scared or anything, right?"

"Scared? Oh mummy, please come rescue me from the heathen homosexual, he's going to infect me with the gay," Dave cracks. John looks legitimately horrified for a moment, until he sees the half-smile on Dave's face and relaxes.

"Okay! Glad that's all good, then. To tell the truth, I was really worried! 'Cause, no offense or anything, but like, you're from Texas, so I thought maybe--"

"--Like all Texans are bigoted fuckwads like the stereotype says? I mean, sure, dude, they exist, but you're talkin' to a guy who grew up in a house filled with plush dildos. I mean, if you told me you were into puppets, _then_ we might have a problem."

"Hehehe, right," John says, and slides off of Dave's stomach (finally) to sit on the floor next to him. Dave relaxes, finally able to breathe normally, then throws the covers off and sits up as well, leaning against the bed. John grins; Dave smiles back.

"So, boyfriends, huh?"

"Yeah! Well, not as many boyfriends as girlfriends, but yeah."

"Geez, Egbert, how many have you been through? You're like a little heartbreaker."

"Hey, most of them weren't my fault! But, um, well, yeah. Want the whole story?"

"Spare me the gory details, but yeah, sure, I'd love to vicariously piggyback on your love life."

"Well, uh, I don't know if the middle school girlfriends count really, so I'll start with high school," he says, studying his fingernails. "I met Alicia when I was an assistant counselor in summer camp, and we went out for the beginning part of freshman year. Then... I don't know what happened, we just sort of started to lose interest in each other, stopped talking as much, you know. So we both decided to see other people. After her was Sandy. She was nice! She also already had a boyfriend."

"You black-hearted thief," Dave says, mildly scandalized.

"Hey! I didn't know that at the time. But yeah, that's when your advice would have come in handy, 'cause one day I went to kiss her goodbye after school and, well, her boyfriend saw. He tried to pick a fight but I totally decked him." John balls his hands into fists and grins. "That's not too weird, is it? To like fighting, I mean. I'm not, like, some crazy psycho or anything, I swear! And I didn't hurt him too much, just knocked him out. Coach wasn't happy, of course, but by bros were like, way to go dude, 'cause that guy was kind of a douche."

"Dude, I have swordfights with Bro on the rooftop, you know. I feel you," Dave says, only slightly jealous to hear John talking about his teammates as _super close awesome bros_ and therefore infringing on territory that was supposed to be exclusively Dave's.

"And after that, I really didn't seriously date anyone for a while... I mean, I went to a couple of things with a couple of girls, but that's about it. Then summer came, and I met Karl."

"Oh damn."

"Yeah. Karl. You probably woulda hated him. He could be kind of an asshole sometimes, but... well, I mean, I liked him a lot, he was funny and really sweet when you got to know him. And I think he really liked me, maybe even more than I liked him. I'd probably still be dating him, except he moved away at the end of the summer." John sighs. "I still talk to him on pesterchum, though. We tried to make the long-distance relationship work for a bit, but in the end we both gave up. He has a girlfriend in his new city, now."

"I take it he awakened you to the magical wonders of man-cock? After which the love of a woman could never quite satisfy?"

"Shut up, Dave, he just showed me that there was more to my sexuality than I thought, that's all. Anyway, after Karl was Eric-- ugh, what a pretentious douche, he was just using me-- and then Nina, and then I haven't been in a relationship for a while! Most of this past winter, actually."

"Still. Damn, homie, you's a playa."

"I wouldn't call it that. I just, like, I make the first move most of the time? And people tend not to say no. I guess I'm just lucky." He shrugs.

Dave thinks. He thinks that it's only a matter of time before some girl (or guy, or whoever) comes along and pulls the moving carpet out from under John, sending him tumbling down the up escalator of teenage romantic angst. He's gonna pull a City of Angels, and fall hard for someone only to get fucked over at the last second. (Dave will never publicly admit to watching that movie, nor to crying at the stupid ridiculous fucking ending.) Dave looks at him in the half-light: tall, strong from all his sports training, funny and cheerful and confident and filthy fucking rich and at the same time more fragile than anyone Dave's ever met. He just wants to wrap him up in a shell and keep him the way he is forever.

John is playing with his hair. He can't see what the other boy is doing, he just feels the gentle tug on the back of his head.

"Uh, dude? Egbert. You're, uh."

"It's so _soft_! Mine's never like that. It's always been kinda, I dunno, wiry. How do you do it?"

"L'oreal, because I'm worth it." Dave rolls his eyes. "Seriously, I don't know. Why the fuck are we talking about shampoo? It's three fucking a.m. We should be sleeping."

"Do you think Rose and Jade are awake?" John asks, glancing over at the couch partition. "I'd feel kinda bad if they were, and we left them out. But I'm really glad I had this chance to talk to you. That doesn't make me a bad friend, does it? I mean, I'm really glad to meet Rose and Jade, of course, but I think I was looking forward to seeing you the most. You know, seeing all your super-smooth moves in real life."

"Sorry to disappoint."

"Nononono, dude, I'm not disappointed at all! I always thought you were kind of full of it online, anyway. Hehe."

"Ouch, Egbert, that was my self-esteem you just bruised."

"Shut up, I still like you. In fact, I think I like you better when you're like this. Being so cool all of the time would be kind of a drag after a while."

Dave blinks, feels John's fingers lacing through his hair, and then asks, "Are... are you coming on to me?"

"Maybe. A little. Is that a problem?" John grins crookedly, his smile and his eyes and his glasses reflecting the dim light. Dave is utterly speechless. He stares, wide-eyed, and there's absolutely no way John hasn't seen his eye color by now, not after all those long, meaningful glances. John shifts forward and not-so-surreptitiously places his other hand on Dave's thigh, while the hand that was petting his hair trails down to his chin.

"Well?" John asks. "We could get that first kiss out of the way now, if you'd like."

Dave swallows nervously. "You planned this all out from the start, didn't you? Operation seduce Dave Strider. Bet you even got the girls in on it."

John raises an eyebrow and grins wider. His breath tickles Dave's skin.

"But John, I'm saving myself for marriage," he breathes. "You'll ruin me. I'll never get the full bride price, it'll disgrace my family."

"I can pay it," John says. "I'll buy you a milkshake tomorrow."

"Make it two."

"Deal," John says, and leans in to brush his lips against Dave's. After a moment of hesitation, Dave kisses back. His pulse beats in his throat, and he thinks, wow. All that practice has made John a _really_ good kisser, not that Dave has anything to compare it to. John pulls him in closer and parts his lips a bit and Dave sighs and leans into it. John pushes into him, hand twisting into Dave's hair as the kissing becomes sloppier, more fevered and desperate and _needy_ by the second until Dave's mind clears of everything else.

He hears a wolf whistle from the other side of the room, and the lights flick on. They jerk apart to see Jade and Rose looking over the top of the couch with wide grins on their faces. Rose is giving them a slow clap. Dave's whole face flushes scarlet, and John has the decency to look a little ashamed.

"Woo-hoo! We knew you could do it, Dave," says Jade, giving him a thumbs-up. Dave notices that Rose is slightly pink with embarrassment, too.

"Aw, geez," says John. "How long were you guys listening?"

"Since the start of your expansive list of conquests, for the most part," says Rose.

"I mean, it was hard not to notice! You guys weren't even whispering after a while." says Jade. "It was hard to keep from laughing when you wondered whether we were awake, though!"

"And in response to your question, Dave, no we were not 'in' on anything. Although we definitely would have helped out if we'd known. Well, _I_ would. Jade?"

"I knew all along! Well, sort of," Jade said. "John told me about his boyfriend over the summer, and after that it was obvious how into Dave he was! You could tell by the subtext and everything."

"Surely that's not a fabrication brought on by your taste in media, Jade?"

"Of course not!"

"Um, guys?" John says. "Sorry to interrupt, but we were kinda in the middle of, y'know, making out? We hadn't, like, finished or anything."

"Don't let us stop you, then!" Jade says, smiling gleefully, and Rose nods. Dave looks from one girl to the other and then to John and is suddenly fully aware of his bare face, exposed red eyes and kiss-swollen lips. He's never felt more vulnerable in his life.

"Um, that would be, I mean that would be totally all kinds of uncool, with you guys watching and everything," he stutters in protest.

"Dave," says John with a chuckle, "you _are_ uncool." When he pulls him forward to kiss him again, there is very little Dave can do to stop it.

\---

Sleep happens eventually, and by the time they wake up, it's 11 in the morning. John's shockingly mum regarding last night's events as they enjoy a hearty breakfast of waffles (Betty Crocker mix). Dave half-expected him to be incredibly open and all about the PDA, which would have been hard to explain to Bro, but he'd... he'd manage. Instead, John acts like nothing has changed, and he isn't sure whether that's even worse.

Dave _does_ leave his shades off, though. He doesn't exactly know why.

As he's staring at his half-eaten waffle drenched in strawberry jam and wondering what's going to happen to him, he feels a warm hand grasp his underneath the table. He looks up, startled, and catches John's sidelong look and sheepish grin as he laces their fingers together. Dave doesn't really understand the secrecy, or why he's not being as forward as last night, when it suddenly clicks: in a few days, Dave is going to leave. He vaguely remembers mentions of a long-distance relationship not working out. It's not that John's afraid of being judged; he's afraid of committing to something he can't maintain.

Dave is... huh. He's okay with that. As long as it means they can kiss some more before he goes.

The girls have been pretty much inseperable since last night, he notices, and wonders if cuddling and kissing each another on the cheek are girl things, or simply Jade and Rose things, when Jade kisses her full on the mouth right at the table. _Oh_. Okay, of all the things he expected to see in his lifetime, that wan't one of them. John seems equally surprised and then amused, congratulating them enthusiastically while tightening his grip on Dave's hand under the table. Dave flushes to his ears.

When they go out for ice cream afterwards, John buys him two milkshakes.


End file.
